Last week, Ofcom fined (another) pornographer a seven-figure sum because they might allow a teenager to see boobies on the interweb.
Why is that newsworthy? It’s basically a daily occurrence these days, isn’t it?
By my mental math, and in an ironic twist, confirmed by X.AI’s Grok (which is under investigation itself by Ofcom), that fine means that in the space of around a year, Ofcom have sanctioned pornographers more than telcos in its entire history for failures of emergency services calling.
Excluding the BT PSAP outage (as that relates to the actual call handling authority, not all our obligations to connect calls to said PSAP), Groky and I have the number at £3.62m.
For boobies on the internet, robo-Elon and I have it now at £4.33m
To put this into perspective of other fines from Ofcom:
Being a scrote involved in the cottage industry of defrauding our grandparents: £0 (although there are two active investigations into some minor scrotes).
Being a CP that tucks up customers into somewhat fishy smelling leases: £0.
Granted, there have been some seven-figure fines for some consumer protection issues, like BT’s failure to have contract information/contract summary documentation in order. Or when TalkTalk continued to bill for ceased services. Oh, and EE and Roaming. Actually, the sum of these is in excess of the 999 fines now I (and my AI co-author) think about it.
It’s easy to blame Ofcom, and imagine that we have a rogue quango on our hands, but, as I’ve said many times before, Ofcom is a child of Parliament. The Government anoints our regulator and imbues it with the powers it wields. There are many great people in Riverside House, and they are acutely aware of their mission and the boundaries.
Given that Ofcom is an agent of Parliament’s will, we can infer the Government’s priorities from what it tries to remit to HM Treasury. (I say ‘tries’ deliberately – I don’t see these US-domiciled pornographers parting with a penny. Or cent.)
Being involved in the sort of scrotitude that can put a business under, or let a grandparent lose their life savings – don’t care.
Issues calling the police, fire or ambulance (and let’s not forget the coastguard, everyone always forgets the coastguard!), and where there have been losses of life – mid-table mediocrity.
Consumer protection issues – OK, now we’re talking. But, I’d rather accidentally have been double direct-debited for my broadband than not have the Police show up when there’s an axe-murderer at my door.
Letting a teenager see boobies on the internet? DEAR GOD NO. To the gallows with you! This is the most abhorrent possible offence on the planet. Never mind your grandparents not being able to pay their ‘leccy bill because of scrotitude…. never mind their ambulance doesn’t turn up cos they got ill without the heat….. THERE’S BOOBIES ON THE INTERNET.
There is obviously a serious debate to be had about what children are exposed to online – and that debate would be more a thesis than a tongue-in-cheek blog. There is certainly material out there that is not for young eyes, and technology and society are moving at a pace that parental responsibility is far harder to exercise. It was easy to be monitored online when it was the PC in the living room corner on dial-up – an awful lot harder in a world of smartphones and VPNs.
It is entirely possible that the pornographers are thoroughly deserving of their fate, but when you look at it in the context of other offences under the Ofcom banner, you do wonder whether or not the UK’s statute books are a farce worthy of a West End comedy troupe.
